Choosing Love

I celebrated my 24th wedding Anniversary in the most unexpected way...I found some deeply sought after - rather extraordinary – Divine peace of mind and heart. Many of you know that my husband, who has terminal cancer, moved to a new home to care for himself the best way he sees fit. While I would much - much rather he be with me – he isn’t.

We all know that we cannot control the actions of another person; I get that, but healing our emotions when we hurt, without blaming the person - who we think is causing us pain, is a profound task. With the event of my 24th anniversary fast approaching I was facing a turmoil of emotions – just how could this possibly be my personal life? I am a healer and I love my husband – it’s not supposed to be this way! Then in a flash – of course after what seemed to be a hundred hours of prayer over many months – pure understanding came to me! I saw the perspective of God’s relationship with me! How much God is always available to be close to me, but I move away – thinking I can heal myself the best I can and don’t really need any help – I’ll figure it out on my own.

I saw how patient God is to always be just right here with open arms to receive and love me. All of us - that is!!! Even when I don’t feel worthy. A joyful peace came over me and I knew that in that instant of pure understanding that there was a higher lesson happening here! This old chronic emotional pain of mine was not about Daniel at all - it was about my relationship with Divine Source. When do I seek Divine connection? How often to I respond when I hear God calling to spend time with me? I have a habit of sincerely being with God just when I’m in pain and only stay until the edge is taken off. Then I go about my busy life forgetting that I could be holding the hand of the Divine the whole time – every moment! This pure Intelligent Omnipotent Source just IS - always here – regardless if I come or I go. I am a truth-seeker, if anything, and I found some truth of what God’s love looks and feels like. In an instant - all pain and confusion was gone! I knew I am to BE the same God-like-love towards Daniel and towards all life.

I know it will take time for this truth to take root deep within me and grow and bloom in my life – but the door is now open and Divine light is now shinning in this once dark secret place. So when Daniel came to visit for a short while with a dozen roses in his hand – I was so happy to see and love him for as long as I had with him - instead of any hidden feelings of not feeling loved because he cannot give me more. I could tell weight was being lifted off his whole being because of my new genuine level of pure acceptance. I was able to see him how God views me when I show up and say I need some God-Time – unconditional joyful love.